Valentine’s Day is around the corner. And while the best of us know that love is something to celebrate and appreciate every day, it doesn’t mean we need to succumb to the basic V-Day routine of overpriced dinners, crappy chocolates in a heart box, or flowers that will be dead by next week. Spice up your seduction game, show your best friends some love, and maybe even give your boss a Star Wars Vibrator. This list is sure to get your creative juices flowing, so SAUCE IT UP!
For the gal pal who’s just gone through a break up: She’s lost her main squeeze, so it’s up to you to bring back the good vibes in her life. Behold: Unbound’s new toy Squish. The harder she squeezes, the stronger the vibration. She can even compose and replay customizable vibration patterns. I don’t know about you, but I’d take this over a stress ball any day. $99 at unboundbabes.com
For the art lovers: Who doesn’t want to roll around naked in paint together? Make love, make art, and then giggle inside when your friends ask where you got that gorgeous abstract painting above your sofa. Love Is Art Kit $60 from uncommongoods.com
For any woman in your life: Because regardless of relationship status, every woman loves jewelry—especially jewelry that doubles as sex toys. Earrings that turn into nipple clamps, chokers that transform into whips, and bangle bracelets that double as handcuffs. Prices vary, at unboundbabes.com
For the woman who hasn’t achieved the big O yet, or has trouble getting there: Sure, we’ve all heard about vibrators, but have you heard of oscillators? These bad boys imitate suction ever so beautifully. It’s like an angel is delicately delighting your vulva. And it’s proven to be a miraculous tool for women who have tried relentlessly to achieve the big O to no avail. This is the Harry Potter magic trick your clit has been searching for. Satisfyer Pro 2, starting at $49.95 from satisfyer.com
For the guy who has trouble keeping it up or lasting long enough: It’s okay. It happens. We still love you. It’s called life and aging and bodily changes. If using needles or Viagra are not ideal options for you, try a cock ring first. It will keep the blood in that wand, hot and pumping. I love theVibrating Cockring by Je Joue, on sale for $18 from Unboundbabes.com, or the non-vibrating Hot Dog Cock Ring for $7.50, which doubles as a bracelet when it’s not wrapped around your willy. Nobody will ever know your naughty secret!
For the soon-to-be mom or new mom: You wouldn’t run a marathon without training, so why on Earth put your pelvis through the equivalent of squeezing a watermelon out of a lemon, without any training? The Elvie is like a fitbit for your lady bits, complete with an app to measure your pelvic floor muscle training progress. It also helps with incontinence, and paves the way for bigger, stronger, more powerful orgasms. $199 from Elvie.com
For the parent(s) with young children in the house, or who don’t want the maid finding all the sex accoutrements: Behold, House of Plume’s Moi Box Deluxe. Because nobody wants their seven year old child, grandchild, nephew, or neighbor pilfering through their stuff, only to discover dildos. “Hey, what does this toy do?” he asks everyone at family dinner, as he appears from his treasure hunt, eagerly displaying his find. $99.99 at houseofplume.com
For the wannabe acrobats: Sure, recess was fun as kids, but it’s way more fun now that we’re grown and we get to play naked. Be a swinger without having to hit up an orgy. Spin right round baby to twirl on them haters with this Body Play Spinning Sex Swing! $144 from jimmyjane.com
For his g-spot and butt stuff: Because neglecting a man’s g-spot is akin to neglecting a woman’s clitoris. Why culture seems to shame both, simply because they induce pleasure rather procreation, I’m not sure. The delights of butt play are reserved for the brave and brilliant. And B-Vibe’s Rimming Vibe 2 is unlike any you’ve tried. That’s because it incorporates rotating beads for a rimming sensation with a vibrating tip. $150 from bvibe.com
For the FWB guy in your life, or the new beau you’ve just started dating: Tenga! They have inexpensive washable and reusable Tenga eggs, which look pretty sci-fi to watch in action. But if alien porn isn’t your thing, their line of shower sleeves are tits. Go for one of their five options—spiral, polygone, zen, module, and pile—or buy the whole variety pack to see which sleeve is schlong favors most. But don’t forget, your real hot spot is his favorite. Prices vary at usstore.tenga-global.com/
For the Star Wars Fanatic: We all know that pussy is a storm trooper, but can you feel the force yet? Darth Vibrator $169 from geekysextoys.com