(NOTE: I am writing this a few days before the State of the Union address).
Speculation in the news media is that Trump will use his first State of the Union address to appeal to the 70 percent of Americans who are outside of his base. There is even talk that Trump is going to make the speech “more about the country, and less about himself.” One thing that I am pretty certain of is that Trump will say, and probably many times over (due to his limited vocabulary), how “great” a job he has done as president and that this or that was the “greatest” this or that to have ever happened in the history of America. I am afraid, however, that Trump’s attempt to reset his failed administration will do little to close the divide his actions and words have already created in America.
The following is my best guess at what Trump will have said in his speech, followed by what I wish he had said.
Trump: My first year in the White House has been the “greatest” first year ever by any president. And, I say this despite the “fake news” media doing everything it could to fool the American people into thinking I was a disaster. But, I will not let “fake news” continue. I will be proposing new laws that will make “fake news” a crime.
My Wish: I was a flip-flopper during my first year in office and this has caused some confusion on where I stand on the issues facing America. I promise not to lie anymore. My spokespeople will not have to constantly be clarifying what I mean in 2018. “Walking back” my statements will no longer be the number one job for the communications staff.
Trump: Under my “great” leadership, America is “First” again on the world stage. We are doing so “great” in foreign affairs that North Korea is even sending athletes to South Korea to participate in the Olympics. And, by moving our embassy in Israel to Jerusalem, we now have the “greatest” relationship we ever had with Israel.
My Wish: Yes, I have left hundreds of positions unfilled in the State Department, thus hurting our ability to be a major player in the world. I promise to fill those positions with all deliberate speed. I am also taking a step back with the proposal to move our embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem in light of the international outcry over this decision.
Trump: I have put in place the “greatest” energy plan ever proposed for these United States. I have emphasized expanding coal production. I have also ordered my Secretary of the Interior, the “great” Ryan Zinke, to open nearly all of America’s coastal waters to offshore oil and gas drilling. Obama’s proposal to ban any expansion in offshore oil and gas drilling was the worst decision ever made by a president.
My Wish: I know I promised to revitalize the coal industry when I was running for president. I have taken steps to do that in my first term in office, but I now admit it was a mistake to promise the coal miners that their jobs would come back with me as president. Coal is not in demand anymore and it has been replaced by natural gas and renewable energy sources. Instead of pushing for more coal production, I am proposing that unemployed miners be enrolled in retraining programs in the renewable energy field. The cost of the retraining programs will be paid by Mexico (Oh, sorry, I meant the federal government). I have also decided to rescind my order to expand offshore oil and gas drilling. We must take all steps necessary to keep fossil fuels in the ground. President Obama was right, we can’t afford another Deep Water Horizon oil rig disaster.
Trump: Climate change, what climate change? Climate change was the “greatest” hoax ever perpetrated on America by the Chinese. My “great” Secretary of Energy, Rickie Perry and the “great” Scottie Pruitt, the Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency, both told me that there is no scientific evidence that climate change exists. Just look how cold it was this month. It was the coldest January any president ever had to live through in Washington! I even had to go to Mar-a-Lago every weekend so I could golf. Except for the “Schumer Shutdown” weekend. Then I had to stay at the White House and have my picture taken holding a phone to my ear!
My Wish: Climate change continues to be one of the most troubling problems facing our country and the world. Last year was one of the hottest years on record. In fact, just last week, NASA released data showing that in 2017, our planet had the second highest global surface temperature since 1880. Therefore, I am announcing tonight that the United States will rejoin the Paris Climate Accord and take the lead in reducing the world’s dependence on fossil fuels. We will be investing billions of dollars in alternative and renewable energy sources. These actions will not only help combat climate change, but will create tens of thousands of new jobs and put America back to work again.
Trump: My wall will be built. It will be the “greatest” wall ever constructed in history. It will be “greater” than the Great Wall of China! And, it will only cost about 25 billion dollars because I made a “great” deal on materials. Even better than the Chinese did for their wall.
My Wish: Mexico has refused to pay for the wall. The wall was a bad idea. In this age of global interaction, we need to open up our country, not wall it off.
Trump: “Make America Great Again” is working. “America First” is the strategy that will bring back our glory days.
My Wish: My emphasis on making America great again was my biggest mistake. My words and actions have led to the white supremacist movement coming out of the cellar and going on public display. I apology to the American people for failing to protect all Americans and I will do everything in my power to put our great country back on the path to racial, economic, and environmental justice for all people. There is no room for racism in America.
Can wishes come true? I don’t know, maybe once in a blue moon. But, if Trump continues down his isolationist and make America white again road, it will take decades for U.S. [us] to recover.