I Still Feel Like Myself: Now Available! Seven Ideas

I Still Feel Like Myself: Now Available! Seven Ideas

By my estimation ideas are a dime a dozen. Ideas are really my stock in trade though I make things, visual, audio and otherwise, they are usually the result of an idea somewhere along the line. Ideas in and of themselves are plentiful and endless. They’re no big deal, they can spring forth from all manner of observation, juxtaposition of thoughts, or formal explorations. If one doesn’t fly for whatever reason, another one will be right along. It’s the acting on them that makes them into something that can communicate with others. Sometimes ideas are not unique, more than one person arrives at the same place. A clever name for a brand of biscotti came to me in a flash: Beam Me Up Biscotti. I checked online and there were already a couple businesses out there.

I have ideas that I never act upon, sometimes because I’m lazy or they’re too unwieldy (requiring access or finances that I don’t have), or I just have too many. Perhaps they’re in their best form simply as ideas – some (or most) of them are little more than jokes. But presenting them here establishes my authorship and frees me from needing to do anything else with them.

Here are seven ideas now available for anyone to use. Just send me a case of whatever you make.

An audio project: I would like to record the sizzle of bacon being cooked.  The crackle sounds like a large audience applauding, so I would insert short bits into a studio recording of my monologues and music, and release it as a live album.

An advertising plan: This is for Sweden’s Ikea corporation, a new slogan, “Ikea – we put the K in idea.” That’s all  I have, but it could be the cornerstone of an ad campaign. Now that I’ve put it out there, if it shows up in use later, I hope it gets me a sizable discount on modernist lamps that break too easily and horizontal furniture I don’t want.

Product names: Mexican beer? Ale of Olé! Religious ham? Hammelujah! Non-bubbly bottled water? Nevervescent!

Band names: While I have notebook pages filled with band names I thought up in high school (one of them was actually utilized: Waldo & The Employees), I recently came up with a couple new entries that I think are kind of special. The B-Tools. Ponder that for a moment before you read on to this next one, because it will make the first one much more apparent. The second one needs a considerable investment of time, as someone needs to name their son Palmer Cudney, who then needs to grow up and front a band. I’m not sure about what to call the band, maybe Wings.

A joke: You get some to say the word seder and you follow it by saying “Der.” I tried this on my sister and my nephew, and they both went around and around with it four or five times, puzzled by my curt response, just saying their word again until it dawned on them. “Seder.” “Der.” “Seder.” “Der.” “Seder.” “Der.”

A couple impersonations: These exist outside the realm of the written word. You can’t see what I’m doing on the page, you would need to meet someplace for the experience. One of them is silent, my impression of a dog’s foot. The other is very brief and you’d need to hear it. I can say this by way of description: It’s George Harrison talking to George Harrison.

Lastly, a name for a racehorse. I have zero interest in horse races, but would love to hear an announcer call this out: “And coming on strong in the home stretch is Two Guys In A Horse Costume!”

That’s it, a baker’s half dozen ideas. (I know the traditional baker’s dozen cannot be halved as I just did, but if this is a new variant, then count that as an idea of mine, too.) I feel like I’ve cleaned out one of the closets in my brain.

(Artist David Greenberger lives in Greenwich, NY www.davidgreenberger.com @davidbg)

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