Please, stay in 2016–don’t follow us into the New Year

Please, stay in 2016–don’t follow us into the New Year

As we say goodbye to 2016 and say hello to 2017, many people will have a “best of” or “worst of” list of the past year. I decided to do something different, I have a list of things I hope stay in 2016, and not crossover into 2017. Now keep in mind I’m a cranky old man who hates just about everything, so don’t get too worked up on my list. This list is in no particular order, btw.

This is for my African, West Indian brothers and sisters as well as southern hip-hop, can we please leave auto-tune in 2016. From Azonto, to Dancehall, to Hip-Hop, the over-reliance on auto-tune is way out of control. If your voice is horrible without it, then you shouldn’t be making music.

Speaking of Hip-Hop, can we please leave mumble rappers in 2016. If you don’t know what mumble rap is, it’s trying to sound as ignorant as possible over a trap beat. Artists such as Lil Yachty, Future, Young Thug, and Fetty Wap are the main proponents of mumble rap. Let’s bring back intelligible lyrics in 2017.

Annoying trendy dances can stay in 2016. I would love to not see Ju Ju on That Beat, the Dab, the Quan, the Nay Nay, Whip, Cupid Shuffle, and Wobble in 2017.

Fake news has no place in 2017 because it did more than enough damage in 2016. I can’t tell you the amount of fake news I saw plastered all over Facebook being passed around by people on my timeline who swore it was real.

Bad journalism can stay in 2016. Real news was no better than the fake news because the press spent way too much time reporting about emails and pussy grabbing, instead of important issues like voter suppression, Standing Rock, fact checking the many lies that came out of Donald Trump’s mouth, and Russian hacking among other things.

I hope hypersensitivity stays in 2016. This one is for the millennials, not everything that you don’t agree with is racist, sexist, homophobic, or misogynistic. OK maybe 70 percent of it is, but I digress. You need to be able to formulate an intelligent argument without resorting to shouting and insults if you really want to bring about a change.

The idea of reverse racism can stay behind because not getting an extra bag at Michaels is not the same thing as 400 plus years of slavery, Jim Crow, lynchings, segregation, Vanilla Ice, Miley Cyrus twerking, Rachel Dolezal and a ton of other cultural misappropriations.

Lena Dunham’s mouth really needs to not crossover into 2017. From insulting Black people with her comments about New York Giants wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr., to saying she wishes she had an abortion? As if abortions are something you wish for like you wish for a nose ring. Please just say your lines from Girls, and you will be set.

This past year was bad when it came to notable deaths. From Prince (my favorite artist of all time), to Muhammad Ali, Phife Dawg from A Tribe Called Quest, David Bowie, Leonard Cohen, and even Colonel Abrams!!!! I hope death stays its horrible ass in 2016.

Finally, can 2016 be the last time the United States uses the Electoral College to decide who will be President? The last time I checked slavery ended in 1865 which is why the EC was implemented to begin with, so why do we still need it? Let the popular vote decide who will be President from now on out.

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